When we mention counselling it usually conjures up images of seeking help when things get tough, being in trouble or unable to cope.  Pre-marriage counselling is none of that!  Rather than being a reactive type of counselling, it is pro-active to help prepare you both for the biggest decision of your life.  Typically pre-marriage counselling would include looking at your expectations of each other, the roles your will undertake, the potential influence of your parents as role-models for relationships, intimacy, conflict resolution and more. 

One of the things that often comes out in pre-marriage counselling is the unspoken expectations couples have of each other.  Because the Groom’s mum always did all the cooking, cleaning and changed the nappies, he expects his Bride to be doing the same.  She has no intention of changing all the nappies, and expects him to clean the bathroom, but neither of them have talked about it. 

Another area that is often helpful for couples is looking at how each person deals with conflict.  She might tend to sulk and go quiet, which frustrates him.  When he is angry, he just rushes off without talking, leaving her upset and needing to talk to someone.  When they do get together, the sparks fly and things are said which are hurtful and damaging to the relationship.  Learning some skills to deal with conflict in a healthy way will help save a lot of pain and heartache in the future. 

Whilst being married will provide you with great fulfilment and happiness, your first year of marriage can be a difficult time.  Getting married can create all kinds of change in our lives, such as learning to live with someone who leaves the toilet seat up and their undies on the floor!

There are few painters who become great artists without being taught by someone in the beginning.  The art of a good marriage is not something that always comes naturally and pre-marriage counselling is one way of gaining some great skills and insight to help make your relationship last a lifetime.

Ask your celebrant if they offer pre-marriage counselling or know someone who can.  Rather than ‘counselling’ there may be pre-marriage courses available in your area. Most churches will offer this as an option or may even require it as a pre-requisite to being married in their church.

Investing in some pre-marriage counselling is a great way to make sure your marriage starts on a good foundation.  The time and any cost involved is small compared to all the other preparations you make for your wedding and the payoff makes it well worth it.

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