Because weddings are expensive and there are several people involved in paying for different things. The question of who pays for what needs to be resolved very early on. For the following reasons:
A. The biggest cost is the catering and venue hire for the wedding reception. These two items account for about half of all the wedding costs.
B. There may only be five or six venues that you find suitable for your reception and they are usually booked six to twelve months in advance.
C. There are a lot of other decisions later on that depend on the size, style and location of your wedding reception and wedding ceremony.
D. The caterers and venues can not be booked without the approval of the person paying.
None of these decisions can be made until you know who is paying for them. Therefore, who pays? Needs to be settled now!
This is your opportunity to make a huge impression with your fiancée and her parents, as well as all the rest of her family and friends, and your family and friends, etc. etc...
Depending on your financial situation, and your fiancée’s parent’s situation, it may be embarrassing for you to ask your fiancée if her father is paying.
In any circumstances it would be embarrassing and unwise for you to ask her father directly.
|| Warning || Do not ask your fiancée’s father if he will pay.
Solution Get her to ask him!
Traditionally the bride's parent’s pay, however this is increasingly not the case today, especially if the bride and groom are older or you have been living together for some time.
There are no rules and you can do anything you like provided the parties paying agree with it.
Some alternatives that are becoming more common:
• You and your fiancée pay for the lot.
• You and your fiancée pay half and her parents pay half or some other percentage.
• Her parents pay a set amount and you and your fiancée pay for the rest.
• Her parents and your parents pay half each.
• Her parents and your parents pay one third each and you and your fiancée pay one third.
• Either, or both, parents decide to pay for specific items, and you and your fiancée pay the rest.
If either of you have divorced parents then asking each them to separately contribute specific items can be a good solution.
Do a budget.
If her parents have said they will pay for everything, you still need to do the budget exercise.
Why? Because everything does not mean everything. When her parents say they will pay for everything, what they mean is; everything that the bride’s parents traditionally pay for. This still leaves other items that you, your family and your fiancée will probably have to pay for.
|| Warning || Do not treat this lightly
There is nothing like bad feelings over money to cause divisions in families. If your wife’s parents feel they had to pay for something that they shouldn’t have, then even years later their negative feelings and words about you and your family could destroy your marriage.
It is very important that everybody knows what they are expected to do and pay for. By simply being the person who and gets the process underway, you will make a very favourable impression with your fiancée and her family.
There must not be any surprises or disputes later on.
Article taken from "The Guys Guide to Weddings"
Copyright C 2010 by Geoffrey Hambling
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