50 THINGS YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT Before You Get Married

A Bit of our Backstory...
16 years ago when I was dating my wife, one of the really helpful things I read about was from an American relational psychologist. In his book 'Finding The Love of Your Life', Dr. Warren explains how we are attracted to the opposite sex.

Opposites attract – this is often true, but studies show that the most satisfying marriages are usually ones in which partners are very much alike. The vast majority of research indicates that you tend to be happiest with someone a lot like yourself.

Dr. Warren gives us a long list of topics we can discuss with our significant other. Lynette and I used this list as a basis for discussion during our earliest dates. It was a great way to get to know each other.

Surprisingly, my girlfriend and I agreed on 47 out of the 50 topics in this list. Despite having opposite personality types (which complement each other well), we liked to do the same things, had a similar world-view, religious beliefs, and cultural background.

While weddings are costly affairs, though temporal, marriages are lifelong and cost a lot more in emotional energy, and thus, are worth investing the most time in.

So... be brave! Read through this list with your partner, and dare to discuss the details of your future together. Don’t rush it!

50 Helpful Marriage Similarities:
1. Socio-economic background of family
2. Intelligence
3. Formal education
4. Verbal skills
5. Expected roles for both persons within the marriage
6. Views about power distribution within the family
7. Desired number of children
8. When a family should be started
9. Child rearing views
10. Political philosophy
11. Views about smoking, alcohol & drugs
12. Amount of involvement with in-laws
13. Sense of humour
14. Punctuality
15. Dependability
16. Desire & ability for verbal intimacy
17. Role of conflict & how to resolve it
18. The way to handle anger
19. How friendships with the opposite sex should be handled
20. Expected amount of privacy & rules for its use
21. Level of ambition
22. Life goals
23. Attitudes about weight
24. Religious & spiritual beliefs & preferences
25. Amount of church involvement
26. Spiritual involvement of the family
27. Hobbies & interests
28. Type of music enjoyed
29. Energy level for physical activities
30. Sexual drive & sexual interests
31. Amount of income to be spent or saved
32. How much money to be allocated (clothes, vacations, etc.)
33. Amount of money to be given away, & to whom
34. Degree of risks to be taken with investments
35. Attitudes about cleanliness – house, clothes, body, etc.
36. Ways of handling sickness
37. Health standards – when to see a doctor
38. Interpersonal & social skills
39. Amount & type of social involvement preferred
40. Geographical area in which to live
41. Size & style of house
42. Type of furniture & decorations
43. Amount & type of travel preferred
44. How to spend vacations
45. How to celebrate major holidays
46. How much time to spend together daily
47. When to go to sleep & get up
48. Temperature of home during the day & night
49. Activity during meals (talking or watching TV)
50. Television programes preferred

This articles was kindly submitted by Ray Salisbury from